Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Peter Pan (Part 2)

Peter Pan and Wendy Darling || Lost Boy

As a single young woman, I was constantly searching for a man who was both romantic and responsible. Unlike Peter Pan, the imaginary friend of my childhood, who was unromantic and irresponsible, I believed I would find the man who had the right combination of love and dependability.

The two boyfriends I had in my early twenties were both romantic, yet irresponsible.

The two men I fell in love with were responsible, but unromantic.

The two friends I wanted to date wrote back, "I want to be just friends," even though each one was both responsible and of a romantic tendency.

And finally, I found two guys who loved spending time with me and had the best combination of both love and dependability. 

The first friend told me, "I love you as a friend and a sister." 

The other friend asked, "Will you marry me?" And I did. No more Peter Pans for me.

"WHOSO FINDETH A WIFE FINDETH A GOOD THING, AND OBTAINETH FAVOUR OF THE LORD."

Friday, September 30, 2022

Hannah Keeley's Advice Taken

HannahKeeley.com

If you haven't heard of Hannah Keeley, hey, you're missing out. She is America's number one mom coach, and if you don't know what that means, please take time to watch her TV show, "Hannah, Help Me," and take a peek at her website. I promise, it will bless. Speaking of blessings, Hannah also hosts a podcast with the perfect title: "Crazy Blessed," and it HAS crazy-blessed me. Won't you give it a try?

One of the items Hannah emphasizes is goal-setting. She explains that goals need to be tied to our emotional responses and that we should have at least one "Big Friendly Giant" goal - a goal that looms over us but that is broken down into manageable chunks called the "Mundane Action Plan."

Here are some of the goals I am working toward:

Faith: I feel reassured since I am approaching God in boldness and humility.

  • The Bible Recap
  • Grace Brethren Church on Sundays and Wednesdays
  • Teach A Beka Bible lessons at lunch & supper.
  • Hold Morning Basket Time.
  • Prayer and song at bedtime
  • Friendship circle at Grace Life Homeschool

Family: I feel happy since I am loving and caring for each one in my family.

  • Build them up - don't tear them down.
  • Homeschool all three kids.
  • Spend time with Mimi.
  • Attend Grace Life Homeschool with kids.

Fortress: I feel relaxed since I am keeping up with house cleaning and sitting back to enjoy my home.

  • Keep up with organization, purging, and tidying.
  • Clean bathrooms.
  • Tidy upstairs.
  • Mop downstairs.
  • Change bedding.
  • Teach Annika to tidy up.
  • Decorate and redecorate.

Finances: I feel satisfied since I am focusing on my money goals.

  • Sell my published books on Amazon Kindle.
  • Sell my audiobooks on Amazon Audible.
  • Try not to spend unnecessarily.

Fitness: I feel pain-free since I am taking care of God's temple, my body.

  • 40-minute walks combined with podcasts or music
  • Swimming at pool and beach
  • Stretching
  • Menthol / eucalyptus ointment

Freedom: I feel comfortable since I am pursuing peace and joy in specific activities.

  • Color pictures.
  • Continue to add to my blog, Autistic Traits and Christian Living.
  • Enjoy reading books.
  • Journal.
"BEING CONFIDENT OF THIS VERY THING, THAT HE WHICH HATH BEGUN A GOOD WORK IN YOU WILL PERFORM IT UNTIL THE DAY OF JESUS CHRIST."

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

Peter Pan (Part 1)



I have a hard time explaining what Peter Pan and Wendy mean to me. Let's just say that from the ages of 4 to 5, I was Wendy, and Peter Pan was my invisible friend. I wandered the Japanese countryside playing and replaying Peter Pan stories in my head. When I got together with my English speaking friends, I always insisted that my friend (half a year younger than myself) would play the part of Peter Pan. I NEVER let her be Wendy. I'm Wendy.

I guess these make-believe sessions formed the basis of my "strong, narrow, Aspie interests" in fantasy and children's literature. I feel that Peter Pan is with me even now. I know better than to worship him, for he is a false god. But on the other hand, he makes a good friend.

Last fall, my mother and eldest daughter attended a Peter Pan play with me. My mom came away from it saying, "I actually am learning to like Peter Pan after all." The play was a retelling written by the play director for the homeschooled middle school and high schoolers who make up a large chunk of our co-op students. The play had been rewritten to show exactly how absurd the whole story of Peter Pan is, with a ginger-haired Wendy, a fiery redheaded Peter, and an auburn-haired Tinker Bell, who actually did die, even though we clapped.

I love the music for Peter Pan with Mary Martin, and when I was a child, I sang "I Won't Grow Up" with gusto. Then one day, I changed my tune. "I HATE PETER PAN! I HATE PETER PAN," I announced, stomping through the house with a frown. "Peter Pan doesn't want to grow up, and I want to grow up!"

Oh, sweetie, little did you know just how much "awfuller" it would be for you when you really did start to grow up!

Through my teen years, I returned to my affinity for Peter Pan, getting a crush when I was 15 on a boy a year older who really did seem never to grow up.

As a college student, I acquired the book Peter Pan Syndrome, and read it carefully. Even so, I continued to identify with Wendy when around guys who had anything in common with my imaginary friend.

Fast forward to my first boyfriend. Wow, did Scott* ever personify a Peter Pan man! He was 30 years old and still living at his parents' home, tagging along on his dad's handyman jobs. He was the kind of guy who wanted only one thing from a girlfriend, and wasn't willing to marry her to get it. After a fun-filled summer, we parted ways. He was a hard crush to give up, but at least I got my Peter Pan experience with a boyfriend, rather than with a husband.

Shortly before I met my husband in 2011, I decided that Peter Pan was a bad influence on me. I seemed to always date guys that had a lot in common with Peter Pan, such as showing off, shirking responsibility, or making believe to love me, yet really being self-focused. I threw out my Peter Pan book, movie, and Christmas ornament.

Then my husband appeared in my life, and I knew at once that he was stronger, more loving, and much more real than Peter Pan had ever been. I made a list of ways in which my man was like or unlike that little boy who would never grow up.

 MAN vs. BOY

  • Real compliments vs. Flattery
  • Gives gifts vs. Has no gifts to give
  • Humble vs. Conceited (cocky)
  • Romantic and loving vs. Egocentric
  • Steady vs. Fickle
  • Good writer and reader vs. Can't write or read
  • Skis vs. Flies
  • Plays chess vs. Plays "fight the pirates"
  • Good at facing reality vs. Good at playing make believe
  • Lives by wisdom vs. Lives by folly
  • Needs a wife vs. Needs a mother
  • Good at cooking and baking vs. Can't cook or bake
  • Real vs. Imaginary

MAN and BOY'S Shared Characteristics
  • Good at navigating
  • Likes to hear stories
  • Good leader of small groups
  • Responsible for those in his care
  • Childlike
  • Humorous
  • Knows how to have fun
  • Cheerful and chipper
  • Unafraid
  • Lost his mother at a young age
  • Seeks female companionship
  • Love of adventure
  • True friend
*Scott was not his real name.

"WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I SPAKE AS A CHILD. I THOUGHT AS A CHILD. I UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD. BUT WHEN I BECAME A MAN, I PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS."


Sunday, July 17, 2022

Lost in Tokyo: Flashback to 1998




One time, while I was a teenager in Japan, I was spending time with a brother and sister — missionary kids, same as me, whose house I was visiting.  They were on vacation from attending a Japanese public school, and so we went off on an excursion, which suddenly took a turn for the worse.  

Stephen and Nadia, their mother, my mother, and I rode the trains in Tokyo for most of the day.  At each station, we all got off, and while our moms waited on the platform, we three kids followed the arrows on posters advertising “Stamp Rally.”  If Stephen and Nadia could get eighty-nine different stamp before school started again, they would receive a prize from the train company. 

Whenever one of us spotted a stamping table, we rushed over and opened our books to the right page.  Each station had a stamp with a different picture and the name of the station on it.  After stamping our booklets, we traced our way back to the platform to catch the next train.  

One of the stations was larger than the others, and we had to go around several curves before we found the stamp table.  Pound. . . Pound . . . Pound.  A picture of a train and conductor appeared beside the name “Hakuraku.” 

Nadia, Stephen, and I wound our way back to the platform.  We were alarmed when we found no mothers, and no train in sight!

Stephen was all for running off and searching for them.  Since I was older than the other two, I had to make them stop and think.  I grabbed Stephen by the arm and said, “No, we ought to stay right here.  When kids get lost, their moms are supposed to come looking for them, not the other way around!”

I looked to Nadia for support, and she nodded solemnly.  “Sharon Rose is right, Stephen.  We need to stay here where we saw them last.” 

“Let’s go right over here and sit down,” I continued, “and pray about it.”

So the three of us sat on a dirty white bench, bowed our heads, and I prayed.  “Dear Lord, please help our moms to find us, and don’t let us be lost here.  Please send someone to help us.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Our answer came quickly.  As two construction workers sauntered past, an idea flashed into my head.  I turned by instinct to Nadia, whom I knew to be the best at speaking and understanding Japanese. 

“Of course!” I cried.  “All Japanese public places have loudspeakers!  Go tell those men about what happened and then somebody can announce on the loudspeaker where we are!  Our moms are sure to hear it.”

Nadia immediately recognized this as a workable plan.  She took off after the men, calling “Sumimasen!”  [“Excuse me!]”  Stephen and I stayed glued to our seats and watched her jabber away.  The two grubby men grew concerned.  After a short time, Nadia came back over and said, “I’m going to the office with them.  We’ll come back soon.  I think they can help us.”

With that, she marched off, and Stephen and I were left sitting forlornly in the middle of nowhere — and yet really the middle of everywhere, with building upon building and swarms of people just outside the train station.           

I began to sing a Patch the Pirate song — to keep Stephen from worrying, so I thought.  Actually, Stephen is not the type to be worried by anything.  He knows how to keep his chin up.  But the singing kept me from worrying and kept Stephen from becoming bored. 

“Make me a servant, loving servant of all.  There’s no greater mission.  There’s no higher call.  Make me servant of all.” 

“Make me a witness like you, dear Lord.  Sharing the Word, till all have heard, serving, whatever the cost.  Help me draw so close to you, that your love comes shining through.  Give me, Lord, a servant’s heart.”

As my voice died away on the last note, Stephen looked up at me.  I could see the admiration in his face. “You know a lot of Patch the Pirate songs.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.”  I had never thought about it much.  I’d been listening to Patch the Pirate tapes for as long as I could remember.  When my parents and I used to drive all over America, visiting churches, every car ride included a sing-along-with-Patch marathon.  Truly, I had been blessed.

Although I was vaguely conscious of these thoughts, my main concern was to stare at the corner around which Nadia had disappeared not long ago — not so long ago, but ages and ages ago.  Suddenly, the two green-clad workmen appeared again.  I craned my neck and peered at the sad empty space beyond them. 

They came over and talked to Stephen and me.  We soon understood by the men’s carefully chosen words that we were to stay put and someone would come to ud. 

I nodded, and Stephen grunted his agreement.  Nn.  Nn.  Wakatta.  [Uh-huh.  I gotcha.]”

I said, in a more polite style, “Hai. Wakarimashita.  [Yes, we understand.]” I tried to make my eyes look as though, in my mind, I had translated every word they said into English.  Of course, this was not really the case.  However, I wanted to alleviate the men’s fear for our safety.  We probably looked like poor little lost foreigners — gaijin — to them.

When the men decided we knew enough not to wander around, they went slowly down the stairs, talking to each other — about the lost kids, I supposed.  Those were the stairs we three kids had cheerfully run down to find the stamps some minutes earlier, and had come back up bewildered and forsaken.

Continuing to chat with Stephen, I discovered that I wasn’t really worried at all.  I had faith in God’s help in trouble, our moms’ love for us, Nadia’s ability in Japanese, and the kindness of the Japanese people.

Well, it wasn’t much longer until Nadia skipped around the corner with her mom in tow.  I was so relieved, but I asked, “Where’s my mom?” 

I didn’t know if Nadia and Stephen's mother could tell I was disappointed, but she quickly explained.  “Your mom is waiting at the next station.  We’ll go as soon as the next train comes.”

When we entered the pale yellow train, we were again surrounded by uninterested Japanese people.  When we wanted to know why we got left at the station, the answer was: “I thought you were on the other train!  We saw some people with blond hair get on a couple of cars down, and I thought you had gotten on without telling us.”

“We weren’t likely to do that,” I thought.  Appalling as it was to be left behind, it would’ve been worse for us to hop on another train, and then find out that our mothers weren’t there with us!  

Actually, before we were separated, we kids had been getting on the next train car down, away from our mothers, to feel more independent — but after being lost, we stayed close together for the rest of the journey.

Finally reaching the next stop, we stepped out, and beautiful sight!  There was Mama on a bench.   Smiling, she stood up, and I hugged her. 

“So you made it back!  I was worried.  What happened?” she cried.  And we told the whole story over again. 

            The other kids' mom had her story to add.  “I went to the office here, and told the worker about you, but when I said a junior high-schooler was with you, he laughed and said you would be fine!  He couldn’t figure out that this was a girl who didn’t ride the trains every day.  He was no help at all!  I didn’t want to be a bad testimony, but I was getting a little mad.  So, I remembered that I had told my kids if they ever got lost to stay put, and I rode back to find you.”

            “That’s what Sharon Rose and I said,” put in Nadia.  “Stephen wanted to find you himself, at first.”

            “Well, I said moms were supposed to look for kids, and not us look for them, so we sat still and prayed about it,” I added.  “I’m sure glad we’re all back together again!”

WHAT TIME I AM AFRAID, I WILL TRUST IN THEE.

FOR THE SON OF MAN IS COME TO SEEK AND TO SAVE THAT WHICH WAS LOST.

Fast Facts for Those New to Aspie World


Okay, which of these items still apply to me, after all the years of trying to change and to better myself?

Aspies are:

More truthful than not

Rule-oriented

Obsessive about their favorite interests

Interrupt people while they are in mid-sentence

Have average to above average IQs


Aspies tend to:

Find it difficult to do more than one task at a time

Be uncoordinated

Have a high pain tolerance

Be very ethical and moral

Be very vulnerable to stress

Vocalize their inner thoughts

Find emotions difficult to discuss or understand

Have difficulties with interpersonal relationships

Have strong verbal skills


Apies often have confounding problems including:

Central Auditory Processing Disorder

Hyperlexia (Early Reading Skills)

Sensory Processing Disorder

Depression


Those were the items that apply to me now. Following are items that either I have grown out of, or never experienced in the first place. Many of these items apply more often to men than to women. Here's the list:

Aspies are:

Virtual thinkers 

Literal thinkers

Routine oriented

Inflexible thinkers

Weak socializers

Principally unable to understand others' point of view


Aspies tend to:

Have low self-esteem

Enjoy time spent with older and younger people more than time spent with their same age peers

Find eye contact a difficult skill to master

Have very vivid nighttime dreams

Have poor executive functioning skills

Find introspection very difficult

Copy others' behaviors, words, accents, and appearance


Aspies often have confounding problems including:

Attention Deficit Disorder or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

Non-Verbal Learning Disorder

Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder (Inability to process all information from certain situations)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Large and small movement disorders




Tuesday, July 12, 2022

The See-Saw: Manic-Depressive Me


MANIA: THE DRIVE

  • Insomnia
  • Craving what is new & different
  • Acting on impulse
  • Frequently changing clothes
  • Busy, busy artwork
  • Believing I can predict the future
  • Desperate to get outside

DEPRESSION: THE SLUMP
  • Stuck in bed
  • Dragging along
  • Not wanting to eat
  • Reading a ridiculous amount
  • Fearing the future
  • Full of regret
  • Unable to enjoy small things
"A TIME TO WEEP, AND A TIME TO LAUGH; A TIME TO MOURN, AND A TIME TO DANCE."

Focused Concentration: Flashback to 2010


Here's a fun story about my interaction with a co-worker who is clearly an Aspie:

I wonder if Rodney & Jenny even realize that I am such close friends with the twins. They have hardly ever seen us interact, though of course they know we spend a lot of time together.

Now when I put away my laptop and got ready to leave, I figured I’d better go say good-bye to Michael. He was glued to the computer. I tapped him vigorously on the shoulder and yelled, “Good-bye!”

“Good-bye,” he murmured, without turning around. “See you Sunday.”

“See you when?” I demanded. “Sunday? Saturday, you mean. The museum.”

“September 4th,” said Michael wearily. I’m sure it dawned on him for the first time that September 4th, the day we’re all going to the Ringling Museum of Art, was this coming Saturday.

Now comes the good part – Rodney said to me, “You’ll have to forgive him. He’s – just –”

“He’s in the zone,” I filled in, nodding. And then I felt bad that I had spoken so sharply – not for Michael’s sake, but for Rodney’s! I can’t fault Michael for acting like himself, but I was surprised how much it hurt that he didn’t look at me to say good-bye. I usually have his full attention every time I open my mouth.

Poor Rodney, though, must have been mortified that Michael and I were rude to each other. What I say is: close friends are allowed to be rude to each other once in a while – especially when tired and stressed!

But if Rodney doesn’t realize how well I know Michael . . . well, I just hope he didn’t give Michael a talking-to. LOL. Especially considering that I called Rodney last month to ask which weekends Michael and Matthew would be free to go to the museum!

"LOVE IS NOT RUDE."

Words to My Younger Self: Guest Post by Leah Tait

 


💕Dear Little Leah,

I can't remember why you look so sad in this photo but your eyes tell me you'd been crying. I know you've been told a lot that you're just too sensitive. You didn't really understand what that meant, so most times you felt ashamed. You'd run and hide or try to push them down before they had a chance to surface.

Remember all those hiding places at Garden Park? That guilt got pretty heavy...not knowing what to do with all those big emotions, didn't it?

It's not your fault, sweet girl. You didn't know any better, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. How I wish I could rewind time, hold your hand while you hid on that roof top, and whisper to you . . .

Guess what, lil' one? You are NOT your feelings. You may be feeling sad but that is not WHO you are. Knowing that the two are completely separate will change your life, honey.
Any time you have a thought, a sentence in your brain . . . it elicits an emotion within you. The emotional response could be sadness or joy or any other feeling.
Every person feels negative emotion 50% of the time and positive emotion the other 50% of the time. The negative emotions are part of the experience, so you are living that experience! There's no need to run away and hide.

You're not too sensitive - you're just right 🥰

"SORROW IS BETTER THAN LAUGHTER: FOR BY THE SADNESS OF THE COUNTENANCE THE HEART IS MADE BETTER."

To connect with Leah, the writer of this post, follow her on Instagram. Her handle is @leahtaitlifecoach.

Sharon Rose's Instagram handle is @srenterline.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

9 Thoughts That Plague the Desolate Soul

Ever since the day I turned 13, I have been prone to depression - not the blues, not the grumps, but full-blown, full-scale depression. Here are some thoughts that oppress me during those times when my soul feels desolate:

  1. I'm inadequate to do what I'm expected to do.
  2. There's no purpose or enjoyment in any of this.
  3. I can't handle any of these changes in my life.
  4. I think it's too hard to make and keep friends, so I'm not going to try.
  5. Nobody could possibly understand my feelings, and I don't know how to put them in words anyway.
  6. My brain isn't processing well. I can't concentrate. I can't learn.
  7. I'm wasting my life. I'm not learning and doing as much as everyone else is.
  8. People are telling me I'm not smiling or talking. They're asking me what's wrong. That's strange.
  9. I don't want to make any decisions - especially not life-changing decisions.
"AND AMONG THESE NATIONS SHALT THOU FIND NO EASE, NEITHER SHALL THE SOLE OF THY FOOT HAVE REST: BUT THE LORD SHALL GIVE THEE THERE A TREMBLING HEART, AND FAILING OF EYES, AND SORROW OF MIND."

Missionary Kids’ Adjustment Difficulties: Guest Post by Becky Enterline

 

1. In Mourning—Often the loss of Christian friends, unsaved friends and home causes great sorrow, and time is not allotted for movement through the stages of grief.  Because of visa restrictions it is sometimes true that the college student will never be able to return to his childhood home again, or it will seem as though he never will.  Many MKs are grieving.

2. Using passive-aggressive behavior—Because many Christians believe that they should never express anger, they never verbalize their anger.  The numbers of losses MKs accumulate through their constant mobility can cause an anger that becomes internalized.  They may become self-destructive in various ways. See How to Really Love Your Teenager by Ross Campbell, M.D.

3. Expecting Special Treatment—Every time the MK has been in America, he has been treated with extra attention.  The church people ask questions about his mission country.  He gets special meals.  The MK receives gifts more often than other children.  He is often the center of attention.  In Sunday School class, the teacher may expect them to know all the answers, even when the child missed the story from the week before.  The MK must act like a small adult.  Often he can not run and play in front of the church people.  He doesn’t get the experience of long-term friendships because he is always going from place to place with his parents.

On the field he is often very different and may receive stares and special treatment constantly.  His family may never be accepted as part of the community.  He may have very little practice at long-term community living and be used to the life of a visitor/nomad only.  This contributes to a sense of rootlessness (“Where’s home?  Where do I belong?  Why don’t I seem to fit in anywhere?).

4. Little sense of self-identity—The MK’s identity is bound up in his parents’ ministry.  The father’s work is not separate from the family’s life. The child doesn’t feel himself to be an individual.  Some young teenagers will take on the role of adult missionary.  It is different from a child in America getting interested in church work.  It is a continuation of childhood pretending to be a grown-up and doesn’t allow for the necessary cognitive questioning work of the healthy teenage mind.  Most MK teens have no youth pastors or high school teachers who can lead them into applying the Bible to their own thinking.  They really can’t afford to think on their own because the everyday work of the Gospel ministry in the mission nation needs their time and attention.

5. Little opportunity to practice self-identity—Even if the MK does develop a sense of who he is as an individual in the mission country, he has to do it all over again when he re-establishes his life in the sending country.  The folks in the sending country do not expect there to be any difficulty, but there frequently is.  The MK may have made himself into a small adult to help on the field and may not have taken time to do all the play that is necessary for emotional and social development.  Of course, emotional and social development can be quite different in foreign countries.  The ways emotional and social needs are met is different.  Many cultures, for example, do not require the high level of independence that American culture requires of adults.

6. Pretending—Because the MK often perceives his parents’ ministry as dependent on his own behavior, he may continue pretending, the natural learning technique from childhood, into the teenage years.  Any misunderstandings he may have about Christianity or the Bible will be buried if this is the case.  Some of the young people only feel, or vaguely sense, their misunderstandings and cannot verbalize them.  They rebel against their confusion about God and Who He is.  Others may experience depression because their desire to please a just God clashes with injustices which they observe in everyday life, but they dare not openly voice such questions or uncertainties because of their parents’ ministry positions.  The MK teen who chooses to keep pretending may feel the need to lie or be deceitful.

7. Boundaries—Not only is the sense of personal boundaries different in each culture, but the MK experiences an unusual lack of boundaries when traveling from church to church.  He will stay in, perhaps, hundreds of different homes as a guest with his parents.  Americans will tell him to help himself and make himself at home.  Keeping his hands off of other people’s things will not be routine for him.  He will be used to people being delighted when he uses their stuff—which doesn’t go over well with college roommates.

8. Friendships—In deputation work, the missionary family have intimate discussions with their host families.  This intense relationship may continue just four days or less, and then they are off to other places.  Intimate and intense, but short-lived friendships are the norm for the MK.  As the MK matures and begins to develop his own personal relationships, he will sub-consciously continue what is to him the normal pattern of friendships.  Other people may not like that.  They may be hurt, possibly feeling like they have been deceived or taken advantage of (defrauded).

". . . REJOICING IN HOPE; PATIENT IN TRIBULATION; CONTINUING INSTANT IN PRAYER . . ."

Monday, May 23, 2022

Compassion: Guest Post by Mark Weaver

 October 7, 2004

Dear Mark,

          You're right, dating is a serious thing, not to be taken lightly.  And love is troublesome, but oh, so worth it.  I really thank God for all the guys I had crushes on, because I learned so much from how they responded to me.  They were all Christians, some more mature than others.  Some of the most encouraging words I ever heard from a guy were, "It's just a friend thing.  It's never going to be anything more than that."  Because I knew he was right, but I needed him to tell me that.  And then he said, "I hope you do find somebody."  Because he knew how much I wanted somebody.  And I said, "Thank you.  Just pray for me, OK?"  I expect he still is praying for me.

          I wonder, Mark,- and you don't need to answer this question - but I wonder, what kind of a woman would it take for you to ask her to marry you?  I feel sad when I think about you with a cold, petting the cats and drinking hot chocolate, with no one to talk to.  But our Heavenly Father knows best.

          In the words of the song, "Unfailing love flows from His heart and heals my soul.  In spite of who I am, He loves and makes me whole.  I almost can't believe it's true - unfailing love - and yet I know, He gave His life to give to me unfailing love."

          Your sister in Christ,

          Sharon Rose

October 7, 2004

Howdy, Sharon Rose!

          What a nice sentiment, that you feel sorry for me aaaallll alone at home.  I really do appreciate it.  I can't really say that I can remember a time when being alone was burdensome, but I can't say that I have ever really been alone, as even when the folks are away for months at a time, I know that they are planning on coming back.  I've always been somewhat of a hermit. 

          I don't think I have any requirements for "the" woman I would consider marrying.  I leave it entirely up to God to show me if and when I should get hitched.  I know for the majority of people, God has a wonderful companionship planned, and there are few greater feelings to me than seeing couples together raising kids and terribly in love.  I have tried to fit the norm and be romantically involved, but have found that that invariably leads to disastrous results.  So I say again that I am just going to try to be aware to where our Lord is leading me and not fight what He has in store. Thanks again for the great compassion you show!

          Your key-pal,

          Mark

"A FRIEND LOVETH AT ALL TIMES."

Sunday, April 17, 2022

33 Good Things to Do Without Working: A Sabbath Rest List


  1. Read your Bible.
  2. Study Bible knowledge.
  3. Memorize Scripture.
  4. Meditate on Scripture.
  5. Prepare gifts.
  6. Write thank-you letters.
  7. Eat without much preparation.
  8. Listen to sermons or Christian radio.
  9. Sing Christian songs.
  10. Practice music.
  11. Take a walk alone or as a family.
  12. Get extra sleep.
  13. Play with kids.
  14. Ride a bike.
  15. Swim.
  16. Play table games.
  17. Read blogs.
  18. Chat with family & friends.
  19. Visit a nursing home or a shut-in friend.
  20. Go to the playground.
  21. Have a friend over.
  22. Have family devotions.
  23. Scrapbook photos.
  24. Play chess.
  25. Pray for missionaries.
  26. Write to missionaries.
  27. Write to imprisoned believers.
  28. Draw pictures.
  29. Read poetry aloud.
  30. Memorize poems.
  31. Pray out loud.
  32. Count your blessings.
  33. Call up the far-off friends and relatives.
"FOR IN SIX DAYS THE LORD MADE HEAVEN AND EARTH, THE SEA, AND ALL THAT IN THEM IS, AND RESTED THE SEVENTH DAY: WHEREFORE THE LORD BLESSED THE SABBATH DAY, AND HALLOWED IT."

Friday, April 15, 2022

My Personal Life Goals


  • Keep my home and work space well-organized, pretty, and clean.
  • Maintain my body by exercising consistently, eating appropriately, pampering occasionally, and treating illnesses wisely.
  • Obey my God by reading His Word every day, praying about all my concerns, thanking Him for His role in my life, supporting other believers wholeheartedly, and boldly sharing my faith.
  • Invest in my social life by seeking out opportunities to make new friends and spend time with old friends.
  • Build my career by continuing to blog at lease once a month, posting my writing and lesson plans, and turning my life stories into books, as well as revising old favorites to be retold in today's English.
Well, readers, are your life goals similar to mine? 

I've heard it said: "Put your goals in concrete and your plans in sand."

"I PRESS TOWARD THE MARK FOR THE PRIZE OF THE HIGH CALLING OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS."

Thursday, April 14, 2022

My Sample Gratitude Lists

TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF

  1. I know God personally.
  2. I smile a lot.
  3. I'm good at writing.
  4. I'm good at arts and crafts.
  5. I care about my family and friends.
  6. I'm a Third Culture Kid (TCK).
  7. I pursue my dreams.
  8. I'm polite and kind.
  9. I have a strong memory.
  10. I have pretty hair.
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS
  1. Bonnie is sensible
  2. and creative.
  3. Veronica is sweet
  4. and relaxed.
  5. Andrea is friendly
  6. and cheerful.
  7. Boda is caring
  8. and prayerful.
  9. Laura is upbeat
  10. and available.
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR LIFE
  1. I'm married to James.
  2. I'm a mom to Annika, Timmy, and Heather.
  3. I have a close relationship with Papa, Nana, and Mimi.
  4. I can walk.
  5. I can see.
  6. I can hear.
  7. I can use my hands.
  8. I can eat.
  9. I can speak.
  10. English is my native language.
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR HOME
  1. Staircase
  2. Dishwasher
  3. Washing machine
  4. Dryer
  5. Shower
  6. Computers
  7. Books
  8. DVDs
  9. Food
  10. Beds
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
  1. James is gentle
  2. and has integrity.
  3. Papa is kind
  4. and respectful of others.
  5. Mama is faithful
  6. and artistic.
  7. Annika is imaginative
  8. and gifted with language.
  9. Mimi is cheerful
  10. and has a great sense of humor.
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR GOD
  1. God loves me.
  2. God is good at teaching me.
  3. God shows mercy to me.
  4. God likes music.
  5. God made flowers.
  6. God made animals.
  7. God is very, very patient with me.
  8. God empowers me to do right.
  9. God gives me wonderful gifts.
  10. God challenges me to use my gifts wisely and well.
TEN THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO BY YOURSELF
  1. Take walks.
  2. Sing new songs.
  3. Sing old favorites.
  4. Take a hot shower.
  5. Write.
  6. Read psychology books.
  7. Read novels.
  8. Read Bible study books.
  9. Type.
  10. Eat.
"ENTER INTO HIS GATES WITH THANKSGIVING, AND INTO HIS COURTS WITH PRAISE: BE THANKFUL UNTO HIM, AND BLESS HIS NAME."

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Musical Language Study

Take a junior-high student who studies Romeo and Juliet and the American War for Independence and surround her with students who study Japanese calligraphy and haiku in the original language. Then expect the American girl to communicate with all the Japanese girls. That was my social situation as a missionary kid living in Japan. My Japanese speaking ability progressed slowly, and so I approached a barrier every time I tried to communicate with my peers.

I developed socially and linguistically through acting in musicals. The hardest part of acting was not getting in front of an audience or memorizing a script or harmonizing in song. The hardest part was interacting with the other cast members, even though they were girls my age and younger. I tried my best.

Speaking Japanese, I said to Yuki, “I went to camp last week.”

She replied apologetically, “No, I didn’t get to go to camp.”

Because of my inflection, my statement had become the question, “Did you go to camp last week?” My uncertainty was reflected in the tone of my voice.

In our dramatic productions, uncertainty was erased for a time. Those scripts stretched flat vocabulary into the shape of poetic dialogue. I learned my lines not by rote, but by meaning, even though it meant punching the buttons of an electronic dictionary to find out what those sounds conveyed to the audience. From the script of A Little Princess, I memorized the words “orphan,” “attic,” and “diamond mine” in Japanese. Grammar patterns fell into place as I sang out loud and clear. I always knew what words would be spoken next, because we had rehearsed it last time the same way.

The communication process offstage became simpler. Taking the words of the plays, I blurted them out in conversation. And that usually worked—except that certain characters’ lines did not represent the quiet young girl I truly was. 

At camp one summer, I smelled the barbecued noodles and whispered to a friend, “I’m hungry.” Problem was, I said I was hungry the way the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk spoke when he was hunting for Jack to be his tucker. The words of a mean, ugly giant tend to sound uncouth – but can I be blamed for making a mistake? After all, “Fee-fi-fo-fum” was not spoken by a true giant, but by a girl wearing platform shoes and face paint. I did know how to say, “I’m hungry,” like a girl, but the giant’s lines were simply stuck in my head.

I learned to share life with my Japanese friends by reading, hearing, and speaking children’s stories acted out. After about the tenth production, our play director told us to arrange our chairs in pairs. All we had to do was talk to a partner for two minutes and then the outer circle would rotate. I remember how easily the words flowed out and how happy I felt just to be talking to my friends one-on-one. The way I made it to that point was by singing and acting.

"THEREFORE IS THE NAME OF [THE CITY] CALLED BABEL; BECAUSE THE LORD DID THERE CONFOUND THE LANGUAGE OF ALL THE EARTH: AND FROM THENCE DID THE LORD SCATTER THEM ABROAD UPON THE FACE OF ALL THE EARTH."

"SING YE TO THE LORD, FOR HE HATH TRIUMPHED GLORIOUSLY."

My Thinking Stories based on The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

When I read the book called The Happiness Trap, I jotted down on my iphone the negative thoughts that pestered me. In creating the "stories" my brain reverted to over and over again, I was able to break free from the "what ifs?" and "no ways." You can do this too!




"WHOSO TRUSTETH IN THE LORD, HAPPY IS HE."

Thursday, March 10, 2022

Why Do People Worship Idols? Guest Post by Becky Enterline

“Now isn’t that stupid?  It’s just plain stupid to worship idols, isn’t it?” the Sunday School teacher said to her class as she held up a picture of an ugly, dark idol.  The children listening agreed, of course. Idolatry was stupid.

This attitude toward idolatry is still pervasive in American churches even though the New Age Movement is changing the attitude of the population in general.  When we first came to Japan, my husband and I both doubted the reality of idolatry in this country.  After all, idolatry is “stupid,” and Japanese people are intelligent; therefore the idols must really just be monuments to history or rather unimportant trinkets of tradition.  We were greatly mistaken, and winning Japanese people to the worship of the true and living God from idols is no easy task.

The idolater worships idols basically for the same reasons we worship God.  Their worship is not stupid.  Rather it is an expression of their longing to fill the vacuum in their lives that only Christ can fill.  Through listening to my friends, through reading books on Buddhism, and through seeing idolatry portrayed on Japanese television, I have come, not to sympathize with idolatry, but to sympathize with the needs of the idolater.  By trying to understand why intelligent people seek help from stone images, I yearn more and more to see them seeking the True Saviour.

 A Christian teacher once held up a picture of an offering of rice made at a family altar.  She said, “Now a rat comes along and eats the rice, and that is why the people think the god has accepted their offering.”  No, this is not the thinking of the idolater.  The thinking is more like this:  “There is life, spirit, in everything.  When my father died, his spirit left his body, but it stays with us for sometime.  His spirit still wants to fellowship with our spirits.  We usually fellowship when we eat.  We place his favorite foods out on the family altar for him.  His spirit eats the ‘spirit’ of the food, and then when we eat the ‘body’ of the food, we can enjoy fellowship with our father again.”  So, one of the main things an idolater desires is A WAY TO EXPERIENCE FELLOWSHIP with the spirit world.

Part of this fellowshipping includes the idea of reporting to the spirits.  The Japanese, of course, believe that they are reporting to their dead loved ones, but we know that if there is a spirit present, it is not the departed loved one.  It is most surely, most sadly, a wicked deceiving demonic spirit.  “The things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God:  and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils” (1 Corinthians 10:20).  The demons have tricked the Japanese people into thinking that they are fellowshipping with their departed loved ones, when really they are fellowshipping with devils.  

Is it any wonder that the father of lies teaches his demons to be so cunning and deceitful?  Paul wrote, “Absent from the body . . . present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8).  The Bible is very clear that there is “a great gulf fixed” between Heaven, Hell, and Earth.  Neither the rich man nor Lazarus could return to earth (Luke 16:26).  

However, the Emperor reports once a year to the sun goddess Amaterasu, from whom the Japanese people have supposedly descended.  He gives her a kind of state of the union address.  Sometimes, if you go to an old-fashioned Japanese home, and you take a present of cookies, the cookies may be presented at the family altar in the home.  It is reported to the ancestors that this gift was brought.  Supposedly, the spirit of the ancestor eats the spirit of the cookies, then when the family eats the physical cookies, they are communing with the ancestors.

Many Japanese people “report” to their deceased loved ones all kinds of family news.  They also ask advice.  In Japanese soap operas, one can see, for example, a man bowing to the picture of his dead wife, telling her the problems their teenage children are facing and asking her advice.  Then, at the top of the TV screen, the image of the wife will proceed to give advice.

This fellowship with the spirit world is especially sought after a death in the family.  It is A WAY OF MOURNING.  In the grieving person’s imagination some loneliness is alleviated.  When a death occurs in our families, we too, want to do something.  We order flowers.  We often plan the funeral services ourselves.  We write eulogies.  In doing something, anything, we feel better.  It is a way of lessening our grief through action or through focusing on good memories.  However, when the idolater offers flowers, he is actually presenting a gift which he hopes will help the spirit in the afterlife.  A Christian wants God’s influencing comfort, but the idolater seeks A WAY TO INFLUENCE THE SPIRIT WORLD through an offering.

Mourning loved ones who have passed away is not an easy thing for anyone.  Pretending that they are still around may be A WAY TO FEEL BETTER, but it is not truth.  It is not reality, and such comfort cannot satisfy and will not endure.  When Japanese people make offerings to the spirits of their departed loved ones, they temporarily feel better; they feel that they are doing something to help the loved one.  

Even when Jesus died, the people wanted to do something.  Joseph of Arimathea took care of Jesus’ body by putting it in a nice tomb.  The women wanted to anoint His body with spices.  

Some ancestor worship is done to make the living people feel better in the midst of their mourning.  It is contrary to God’s commandments, but it is understandable.  When there is no hope of heaven, there can be only weak substitutions for genuine hope and comfort.

Often the offerings to a dead loved one are made, not just because of sorrow, but also because of fear.  The surviving family members are afraid that if they do not honor the ancestor correctly, the spirit will give them bad luck.  I said to one college-aged girl, “When your father was alive, didn’t he do nice things for you?  He made sure you had food to eat and clothes to wear, didn’t he?  Then why would you think that he would want to do something bad to you after he has died?”  She had no answer.  

Of course, we know from the story of the rich man and Lazarus, that even a lousy guy who has died, wants good things for his family. "Then [the rich man] said, I pray thee therefore, father [Abraham], that thou wouldest send him to my father's house: For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment" (Luke 16:27-28). So ancestor worship is A WAY OF CALMING FEARS.

When a loved one dies, those left behind can feel helpless and out of control.  Idolatry can RESTORE A FEELING OF BEING IN CONTROL.  The human beings who build a statue are in control of it.  They choose the materials it is made of; they choose the offerings.  

The Japanese god box, or mikoshi, which is paraded through the streets of each community often contains the rice wine that has been produced in the community.  It is elevated above the heads of the worshipers and carried high like a palanquin.  Human beings are in control of their god.  

The ark of the covenant, on the other hand, was designed by God.  His Shekinah Glory directed where the children of Israel went.  It was carried in a lower position than the Japanese mikoshi.  

Christianity is based on the truth that God has come down to us and wants to lead us.  As we yield control to Him and His Holy Spirit, we experience tremendous blessings.  We don’t have to try to grasp blessings for ourselves by being in control.  In Christianity, we relinquish control to a sovereign, all-knowing and all-loving God.  In idolatry, the worshiper tries to control the spirits and bring blessings to himself through them.

Most Japanese people don’t pay any attention to the gods until they particularly feel they are in need of good luck, or they feel that they are having bad luck so they must appease the gods.  When high school and college entrance exams are held in Japan, all the students feel they need extra good luck, so they flock to the shrines.  They are trying to control the spirits and get supernatural help.  Every New Year’s holiday the shrines and temples are crowded with people wanting good luck for the new year.  Automobile rearview mirrors sport traffic safety “good luck” charms bought at temples.

Idolatry can be A WAY OF SOOTHING THE CONSCIENCE.  Aborted babies become gods.  The mothers write letters of apology and explanation.  They leave offerings of food and toys.  You see, the idea is that there is spirit in everything; therefore, the spirit of the dead baby can enjoy the spirit of the food and the toys.

A SENSE OF IDENTITY is established for the idolater in many aspects and actions of idolatry.  He identifies with his family during times of ancestor worship.  He identifies with the community when community gods are paraded through the streets in yearly festivals.  He identifies with the nation when the emperor makes his yearly state of the union address to the goddess Amaterasu.

 In worshiping at the family altar, the worshiper identifies himself with the family history.  His own IDENTITY is defined and strengthened.  He has a sense of security and belonging.  This sense of community is found at the family altar, but also at the various neighborhood shrines and temples.  The Christian’s sense of identity is in Christ.  “I am crucified with Christ:  nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me” (Galatians 2:20).  His identity is also in the church.  “So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another” (Romans 12:5).

The Japanese do not just worship ancestors.  Their Shinto religion makes it possible to worship almost anything.  It is basically nature worship.  If you believe there is spirit in everything (pantheism), you can worship everything.  (Do you know that there is even a toilet god?)  

One friend told me that her family always kept a home for the gods near the ceiling in the living room.  This is quite common.  The little house is called a kamidanaKami means god or spirit, and dana means shelf.  They never bothered with it except once a year when her father (as high priest) took it down to clean it and put out new offerings.  She wanted me to know that otherwise they seldom bothered with it.  But, she did mention that if some difficulty came up in their lives, something that they could not take care of themselves, then they would go to the kamidana and pray for more power.  The idolatry in that case is A WAY TO OBTAIN SUPERNATURAL POWER.  Even though Japanese people are quite secular and humanistic, they keep the door open to receive supernatural power when humanism fails.

Another thing an idolater wants to get from the worship of his god is A WAY TO BE PURIFIED, that is, supernatural spiritual cleansing.  He is aware of his bad thoughts and attitudes.  Shrines often have a pool with running water.  A worshiper can wash his hands and rinse his mouth to cleanse himself before worship.  The One True God bids us to be clean through “the washing of water by the Word” of God (Ephesians 5:26).  That is true cleansing, not just symbolism.

“God, grant me the serenity to . . .” is an inscription on a plaque hanging in many a Christian home.  But is this truly a Christian prayer?  This is the prayer that Buddhists make as they sway forward and back in meditation.  Was Christ’s life serene?  Was His attitude serene?  As we read the New Testament, where is the serenity?  The closest thing to serenity in the Old Testament is, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).  

The SERENITY the Buddhist strives for is a complete emptying of one’s self, but the meditation of the Christian includes “. . . and know that I am God.”  The stillness, peace, and restfulness of the Christian comes because his heart is in agreement with God, because his mind has been disciplined with truth.  A Buddhist longs for a passive serenity, but Christians achieve an active peace, the peace that “passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

Why does a Buddhist worship an idol, a stone statue?  To us Christians, who know a God of the strongest love, the strongest emotion in the universe, the thought of worshiping a hard, unfeeling idol is incomprehensible and ludicrous.  The statues of Buddha, for example, are almost all expressionless.  

However, the love of God caused Him great pain.  He loved, and His Son died.  It is human nature to avoid pain.  It is said that the first Buddha taught that all pain was caused by selfishness.  If self is eliminated, then pain will be eliminated.  By meditation, that is, completely emptying the mind, self can be eliminated, emotion eradicated, and a serene, emotionless expression like the Buddha’s may be obtained.  

Serenity through hardening the heart is not recommended in the Bible.  Those who worship idols become like them (Psalm 115:8).  Unable to suffer the pain that love brings with it, the Buddhist must give himself up to only callous, indifferent, self-centered serenity.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”  A true Christian who worships the True God never has to accept the evil things he cannot change.  A true Christian can always pray to the True God about those things.  Prayer to the True God is not an exercise in futility.  The fatalistic attitude of those who seek serenity through idol worship has no place in the heart of a Christian.  The sorrows, trials, and pain of everyday life can be prayed about, and we can trust God Who makes “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28).

Since most Japanese people do not go to their gods until they come to the end of their rope, when they have done everything humanly possible, it is our goal to teach them Who the True God is.  In their hour of need, we want them to come to the One who can truly meet their need.  In the depths of their sorrow, we desire for them to come to the God of all comfort. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all mercies, and the God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

"THEIR IDOLS ARE SILVER AND GOLD, THE WORK OF MEN'S HANDS. THEY HAVE MOUTHS, BUT THEY SPEAK NOT: EYES HAVE THEY, BUT THEY SEE NOT: THEY HAVE EARS, BUT THEY HEAR NOT: NOSES HAVE THEY, BUT THEY SMELL NOT: THEY HAVE HANDS, BUT THEY HANDLE NOT: FEET HAVE THEY, BUT THEY WALK NOT: NEITHER SPEAK THEY THROUGH THEIR THROAT. THEY THAT MAKE THEM ARE LIKE UNTO THEM; SO IS EVERY ONE THAT TRUSTETH IN THEM."

Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Just Be Open With Me


In my first dating relationship, I was taken aback at my boyfriend Scott’s* openness. “Scott is frank and straightforward about everything,” I told my friends. “I am too, and now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. I’m not sure what to think.” 

I had read many times that openness is essential in relationships, but I mistook surface openness for genuine openness. Now that Scott is out of my life, I’ve been struggling to learn what genuine openness is from my experiences with him. Genuine openness means speaking the truth accurately and consistently.

Because Scott was open with me on surface issues, I assumed he would be genuinely open at all times. Surface openness meant that Scott refused to skirt the truth when he thought his opinions or actions would offend me. To start with, Scott answered my questions honestly (even when the answer was none of my business). Once I asked him, “Do you ever gamble?”

“I only gamble with what I can afford to lose,” he answered.

I wanted him to say, “No, I never gamble,” but at the same time I was impressed because he admitted that he did.

Scott also tended to disagree with my opinions, and he told me so. When we watched The Sound of Music, I remarked that I did not like the song “I Must Have Done Something Good.” Scott told me he liked the song and said many people feel the way Maria does when she sings it. 

Why was I unhappy with Scott’s forthrightness? The truth always makes the hearer feel good, doesn’t it? No, there is often a price to pay for openness between couples. The price is acceptance of one another as we really are, with all our differences.

When Scott contradicted himself, I began to understand the difference between surface openness and genuine openness. Genuine openness involves accuracy, not merely the truth as the speaker perceives it. Within several days’ time, Scott stated that he’d had girlfriends before “sometimes,” that he’d been a boyfriend before, and that he’d never had a girlfriend before. I confronted him with his inconsistency, and Scott explained, “I forget my girlfriends after they’re gone.”

“So I suppose you’ll forget me after we break up?” I said.

“You’ll be glad I did, because if not, I’d be calling you up after you were married,” Scott replied. Surface openness stated that Scott had no intention of marrying me, while genuine openness was lacking because he was not accurate about his past relationships.

In fact, Scott rarely talked about his past, other than a few incidents from childhood. I asked him why he had so few memories to share. “When I want to forget something and not think about it anymore,” he said, “I imagine the place where it happened and push it further and further away in my mind until it’s engulfed in blackness.” 

I could not understand why a man would purposely forget an experience that he could learn from, no matter how painful it was. If a man reinvents his past to fit the situation, his girlfriend will know he is not truly open. Systematic forgetfulness conflicts with genuine openness.

A man who is genuinely open must be consistent, even in the words conveying his emotions. Scott confused me with impetuous words which he later took back. How could I know what he really meant? The first time we waded in the ocean, I requested, “Tell me about your family again.” Scott surprised me by saying, “I hate my family. My mom’s favorite son died, and now they all retreat into their own worlds.” 

I couldn’t believe he meant what he said, because I thought he got along well with his family. I knew he was hurting inside, but surely he exaggerated when he said he hated them. The next day, Scott told me, “I don’t really hate my family.” Surface openness revealed that Scott struggled with his family’s grief over his brother’s death, but if he had been genuinely open, he would have said that he still loved them.

I wanted to be Scott’s girlfriend for as long as possible in order to learn from the experience. Though we had many exciting times, eating out, walking on the beach, and going to movies, I value that relationship most for what Scott taught me about openness. True, he appeared to be open at least on the surface, but I found I could not continue dating him when I realized he was not genuinely open.

*Scott is not his real name.

"SPEAK YE EVERY MAN THE TRUTH TO HIS NEIGHBOUR."