I have a hard time explaining what Peter Pan and Wendy mean to me. Let's just say that from the ages of 4 to 5, I was Wendy, and Peter Pan was my invisible friend. I wandered the Japanese countryside playing and replaying Peter Pan stories in my head. When I got together with my English speaking friends, I always insisted that my friend (half a year younger than myself) would play the part of Peter Pan. I NEVER let her be Wendy. I'm Wendy.
I guess these make-believe sessions formed the basis of my "strong, narrow, Aspie interests" in fantasy and children's literature. I feel that Peter Pan is with me even now. I know better than to worship him, for he is a false god. But on the other hand, he makes a good friend.
Last fall, my mother and eldest daughter attended a Peter Pan play with me. My mom came away from it saying, "I actually am learning to like Peter Pan after all." The play was a retelling written by the play director for the homeschooled middle school and high schoolers who make up a large chunk of our co-op students. The play had been rewritten to show exactly how absurd the whole story of Peter Pan is, with a ginger-haired Wendy, a fiery redheaded Peter, and an auburn-haired Tinker Bell, who actually did die, even though we clapped.
I love the music for Peter Pan with Mary Martin, and when I was a child, I sang "I Won't Grow Up" with gusto. Then one day, I changed my tune. "I HATE PETER PAN! I HATE PETER PAN," I announced, stomping through the house with a frown. "Peter Pan doesn't want to grow up, and I want to grow up!"
Oh, sweetie, little did you know just how much "awfuller" it would be for you when you really did start to grow up!
Through my teen years, I returned to my affinity for Peter Pan, getting a crush when I was 15 on a boy a year older who really did seem never to grow up.
As a college student, I acquired the book Peter Pan Syndrome, and read it carefully. Even so, I continued to identify with Wendy when around guys who had anything in common with my imaginary friend.
Fast forward to my first boyfriend. Wow, did Scott* ever personify a Peter Pan man! He was 30 years old and still living at his parents' home, tagging along on his dad's handyman jobs. He was the kind of guy who wanted only one thing from a girlfriend, and wasn't willing to marry her to get it. After a fun-filled summer, we parted ways. He was a hard crush to give up, but at least I got my Peter Pan experience with a boyfriend, rather than with a husband.
Shortly before I met my husband in 2011, I decided that Peter Pan was a bad influence on me. I seemed to always date guys that had a lot in common with Peter Pan, such as showing off, shirking responsibility, or making believe to love me, yet really being self-focused. I threw out my Peter Pan book, movie, and Christmas ornament.
Then my husband appeared in my life, and I knew at once that he was stronger, more loving, and much more real than Peter Pan had ever been. I made a list of ways in which my man was like or unlike that little boy who would never grow up.
MAN vs. BOY
- Real compliments vs. Flattery
- Gives gifts vs. Has no gifts to give
- Humble vs. Conceited (cocky)
- Romantic and loving vs. Egocentric
- Steady vs. Fickle
- Good writer and reader vs. Can't write or read
- Skis vs. Flies
- Plays chess vs. Plays "fight the pirates"
- Good at facing reality vs. Good at playing make believe
- Lives by wisdom vs. Lives by folly
- Needs a wife vs. Needs a mother
- Good at cooking and baking vs. Can't cook or bake
- Real vs. Imaginary
MAN and BOY'S Shared Characteristics
- Good at navigating
- Likes to hear stories
- Good leader of small groups
- Responsible for those in his care
- Childlike
- Humorous
- Knows how to have fun
- Cheerful and chipper
- Unafraid
- Lost his mother at a young age
- Seeks female companionship
- Love of adventure
- True friend
*Scott was not his real name.
"WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I SPAKE AS A CHILD. I THOUGHT AS A CHILD. I UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD. BUT WHEN I BECAME A MAN, I PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS."