1. In Mourning—Often the loss of Christian friends, unsaved friends and home causes great sorrow, and time is not allotted for movement through the stages of grief. Because of visa restrictions it is sometimes true that the college student will never be able to return to his childhood home again, or it will seem as though he never will. Many MKs are grieving.
2. Using passive-aggressive behavior—Because many Christians believe that they should never express anger, they never verbalize their anger. The numbers of losses MKs accumulate through their constant mobility can cause an anger that becomes internalized. They may become self-destructive in various ways. See How to Really Love Your Teenager by Ross Campbell, M.D.
3. Expecting Special Treatment—Every time the MK has been in
America, he has been treated with extra attention. The church people ask questions about his
mission country. He gets special
meals. The MK receives gifts more often
than other children. He is often the
center of attention. In Sunday School
class, the teacher may expect them to know all the answers, even when the child
missed the story from the week before.
The MK must act like a small adult.
Often he can not run and play in front of the church people. He doesn’t get the experience of long-term
friendships because he is always going from place to place with his parents.
On the field he is often very different and may receive stares and special treatment constantly. His family may never be accepted as part of the community. He may have very little practice at long-term community living and be used to the life of a visitor/nomad only. This contributes to a sense of rootlessness (“Where’s home? Where do I belong? Why don’t I seem to fit in anywhere?).
4. Little sense of self-identity—The MK’s identity is bound up in his parents’ ministry. The father’s work is not separate from the family’s life. The child doesn’t feel himself to be an individual. Some young teenagers will take on the role of adult missionary. It is different from a child in America getting interested in church work. It is a continuation of childhood pretending to be a grown-up and doesn’t allow for the necessary cognitive questioning work of the healthy teenage mind. Most MK teens have no youth pastors or high school teachers who can lead them into applying the Bible to their own thinking. They really can’t afford to think on their own because the everyday work of the Gospel ministry in the mission nation needs their time and attention.
5. Little opportunity to practice self-identity—Even if the MK does develop a sense of who he is as an individual in the mission country, he has to do it all over again when he re-establishes his life in the sending country. The folks in the sending country do not expect there to be any difficulty, but there frequently is. The MK may have made himself into a small adult to help on the field and may not have taken time to do all the play that is necessary for emotional and social development. Of course, emotional and social development can be quite different in foreign countries. The ways emotional and social needs are met is different. Many cultures, for example, do not require the high level of independence that American culture requires of adults.
6. Pretending—Because the MK often perceives his parents’ ministry as dependent on his own behavior, he may continue pretending, the natural learning technique from childhood, into the teenage years. Any misunderstandings he may have about Christianity or the Bible will be buried if this is the case. Some of the young people only feel, or vaguely sense, their misunderstandings and cannot verbalize them. They rebel against their confusion about God and Who He is. Others may experience depression because their desire to please a just God clashes with injustices which they observe in everyday life, but they dare not openly voice such questions or uncertainties because of their parents’ ministry positions. The MK teen who chooses to keep pretending may feel the need to lie or be deceitful.
7. Boundaries—Not only is the sense of personal boundaries different in each culture, but the MK experiences an unusual lack of boundaries when traveling from church to church. He will stay in, perhaps, hundreds of different homes as a guest with his parents. Americans will tell him to help himself and make himself at home. Keeping his hands off of other people’s things will not be routine for him. He will be used to people being delighted when he uses their stuff—which doesn’t go over well with college roommates.
8. Friendships—In deputation work, the missionary family have
intimate discussions with their host families.
This intense relationship may continue just four days or less, and then
they are off to other places. Intimate
and intense, but short-lived friendships are the norm for the MK. As the MK matures and begins to develop his
own personal relationships, he will sub-consciously continue what is to him the
normal pattern of friendships. Other
people may not like that. They may be
hurt, possibly feeling like they have been deceived or taken advantage of
(defrauded).
". . . REJOICING IN HOPE; PATIENT IN TRIBULATION; CONTINUING INSTANT IN PRAYER . . ."