Just Follow the Script

To illustrate the way Aspies follow scripts in social situations - sometimes inappropriately - I will tell the story of how my friend could have badly hurt my feelings if I hadn't been an Aspie myself and understood where he was coming from.

I called up my friend and asked if he and his brother would come over to my house the next day. "I have decided to have my dog put down," I said. "She has just been sick for too long, and she's starving to death. It's the right thing to do. . . . But I'd like to have you guys over to give me something to do to keep my mind off it. I've already cried enough."

"Sure, we'll come over," my friend told me.

When my friends got there the next day, my doggie had gone to doggie heaven, and I didn't really want to talk about it. That was why I'd invited the guys, knowing that if I invited a girl, she would be all sympathetic and weepy, whereas the guys would be practical and dry-eyed. My theory worked. They did not ask any questions about how it went at the veterinarian's office.

However, my friend DID ask an innocent question that could potentially have made me mad at him for good. He asked: "How was your day?"

The first thought that popped into my head when he asked that was, "How do you THINK my day went???" Then, the second thought as I saw his face cloud over, realizing what he had done, was: "He's just following a script. It was thoughtless, but he definitely didn't mean to hurt my feelings."

I breezily responded, "I went to the library and borrowed a few more books." And the crisis was averted.

Next time one of your friends says something that hurts your feelings, check and see if they're following a script. "How was your day?" is a standard question that people ask at dinnertime, and if you're not one for small talk, simple questions like that can pop out at the wrong time occasionally. Live and let live. We've all made bloopers.

"YET A LITTLE WHILE, AND THE WORLD SEETH ME [JESUS] NO MORE; BUT YE [MY DISCIPLES] SEE ME: BECAUSE I LIVE, YE SHALL LIVE ALSO."

Newlyweds - Flashback to 2012

I wrote the following journal entry on September 18, 2012, after I had been married nearly five months. It delves a little into the topic of Aspies married to Aspies, and how that dynamic works . . . .

I'm concerned because I don't want to write my blog anymore, and I have no good reason to quit. So I'm hoping that if I journal some more, I'll get the other pressing thoughts off my mind and have room to plan what I'd like to write for my blog.

My life has changed so much since I started the blog, and maybe thinking about Asperger's traits just doesn't matter so much to me now that I'm a wife and about to become a mother in six months or so. My deficient energy and motivation is a much bigger concern to me at this point. So is my moodiness. These are the "unhappy" aspects of my chronic conditions [fibromylagia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and bipolar disorder]. Dealing with Asperger's syndrome is like playing a game by comparison! That's why I chose to write about Asperger's in the first place - it is something I actually seem to have "fixed" or "overcome."

Asperger's syndrome is not an ongoing stressor in my life. In fact, James's [my husband's] Aspie traits just make him that much more lovable to me, because it means I can understand him in a way few other have been able to do. I identify with him, and I don't judge him. He is the same towards me.

Sometimes I feel that James admires me more than I deserve. One of the best things about my relationship with James is that I can tell him whatever is on my mind - even it I'm ashamed of it - and he really wants to listen! He likes for me to tell him the truth, even the unhappy parts.

Last night, James was nuzzling and kissing me, and I grinned and said smugly, "I'm getting attention!" James brought that up again this morning and said he likes giving me attention. Isn't that splendid? I have long ago discovered that people thrive on attention.  It's sad to think that James went a long time without getting much attention from anyone. . . . I'm so glad to be the one who gets to give him extra special attention for the rest of our lives.

I hope I'll know how to give him enough attention even after our baby arrives. I think giving the baby attention together will count as quality time with each other. There will be those looks we'll share of amusement or astonishment or horror at what the baby does. I'm looking forward to that.

"FOR ALL THE LAW IS FULFILLED IN ONE WORD, EVEN IN THIS; THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF."