Please see my earlier post, "Sounds (and Feels) Familiar," to learn more about Sensory Processing Disorder and the problems it may (or may not) cause to those with Asperger's traits. After defining the problems, I wanted to follow up with a post about some of the ways I deal with SPD (or more frequently, High Sensitivity - see this FAQ on "The Highly Sensitive Person") in my daily life. I even thought up some new tricks while I was planning this blog entry.
For auditory SPD, one simple solution is to use earplugs. They look funny, but they help. My preference is for earplugs made of silicone, and these are available at the drugstore in the ear care section. I usually don't need to rely on earplugs except at times when I am under a lot of stress, meaning times when I am facing changes and new situations that overwhelm me.
Again, an SPD crisis can strike unexpectedly, so if you have a loved one with SPD, please be patient with them if they become agitated for no apparent reason. They may have suddenly realized that the noise and excitement are overwhelming and feel the urge to escape to a quiet, private place to rest. If this "sudden escape" has happened repeatedly, then please help your loved one by either planning an early retreat from social activities or suggesting that they step aside into an empty room or take a walk away from the bustling crowd partway through the activity. "Hiding" may prevent a crash-and-burn reaction the next day after a party! Remember that overstimulated senses may affect your friend so deeply that it takes willpower not to scream, bawl, or throw things in frustration. You know and I know, that's just not appropriate, and we Aspies love doing what is appropriate until the very last moment in our fight against stress.
When I haven't brought my earplugs, one way I tough it out when the noises get annoying is to refocus my mind on my sense of sight. While taking a walk along a busy road, the traffic sounds are hideously invasive on my private thoughts. So I focus my thoughts on what I see around me, viewing objects and signs not so much for what they are or what the words mean, but as objects of art that could be reproduced on paper. With my eyes, I follow the outlines of a fire hydrant or a bicycle as though tracing them with a pencil. That exercise distracts me from the information my ears are taking in.
As for tactile sensitivity, recently it helped me to realize that I can move around in front of people more than what I used to think was "appropriate." I can stretch my arms and shoulders while walking in the park. I can rub my stomach, my arm, or my knee while sitting in church, because those places hurt a little, and they need attention. I might even move in rhythm to the music - uh-oh, noise! - while I'm shopping. It makes me feel self-conscious, but I don't think I really look like a nutcase after all. Being undignified can actually be healthy . . . I think.
I'm an Aspie who has always adored sitting still and disdained movement, because movement can precede pain. I was the kid who was tagged "it" and firmly but politely stated, "I'm not playing," because I didn't like to run and I really didn't like falling down. Ouch! Unfortunately, immobility can also cause pain. The computer, books, and craft projects I love have their own set of pains to inflict. So if pain is unavoidable, I may as well try to alleviate my boo-boos as I go along, instead of letting them build up and put me in the hospital.
For those who have a sensitivity to smells, the best advice I can give is to think of something good and pleasant that is associated with the smell. Even if you think a perfume is too strong, the lady who squirted it on this morning may be enjoying a gift from a loved one. Tobacco smoke, currently associated with lung disease, has in the past been linked to relaxation and celebration.
I recently came to the conclusion that the reason I have hated the smell of coffee for years is because I associated that smell with my beloved grandfather's kisses, and I resented the fact that he was stolen away from me by cancer when I was seven years old. I'm going to try to think of something good about the smell of coffee, such as . . . um, well . . . getting up early? Yuck! Peppy, energized, loud and nervous people? Nope! Uh . . . an industry built on addictions? No? Okay, well, I guess I'll always hate coffee, but you get the idea.
Please leave comments and let me know if these ideas help you! The comments will be sent to me for previewing so that I can approve them. That's why they don't show up immediately on this webpage. I appreciate it!
" . . . THE LIVING GOD, WHO GIVETH US RICHLY ALL THINGS TO ENJOY."
What exactly did the Grinch hate about Christmas, and why? I just listened to the beginning of How the Grinch Stole Christmas read aloud. It seems that mean ol' Mr. Grinch particularly hated the noise, the feasting, and the hand-holding, singing, group-hug type stuff. What's so bad about any of that?
I'm here to state that if you've got an extreme case of Asperger's syndrome, there's plenty to complain about right there.
Yesterday, I was tired after the previous day of editing (my part-time job), then volunteering at church that morning, then sitting at a park bench trying to relax. But I needed new shoes and decided to push myself and go right then, instead of heading home for a soak in the tub. Guess what greeted me at the two shoe stores I entered? Christmas music!!!! And not even peaceful, classical music, or cheery, childlike music. No, this was more like grate-on-your nerves, annoy-you-to-tears, get-me-outta-here Christmas music - what I would call poor quality. But I needed shoes. So, like the Grinch did for 53 years before he made up his mind to put a stop to Christmas, I endured the noise, noise, noise, noise, NOISE, all to try on lots of shoes that pinched my feet in every possible place.
Ironic, isn't it, that Dr. Suess suggested that the Grinch's sour attitude might be because his shoes were too tight . . . I can understand that.
And the feasting the Grinch abhorred so much? Is that so negative to an Aspie? Um, yes. What is the exact purpose of feasting, my friends? Is it to make people feel bloated, stuffed, fat, and slothful? Because we usually do . . . don't we? Yet most people think feasting is a social activity that must not be skipped! They think gulping down cookies and brownies the size of soap cakes has to be done for the sake of dear old Grandma, who baked four dozen too many. For me, an Aspie who can reason her way out of the tightest mental maze, this being-nice-to-Grandma stuff just does not compute. Grandma is not that easily hurt by anything her grandbabies refuse to do. Besides, this Aspie is full already, and if she eats anymore, she will be - oh, no, not that! - UNCOMFORTABLE. Mr. Grinch, you have my empathy!
Then there's everybody's favorite part of Christmas - the Christmas programs! Yay! During the month of December, let's make a worldwide pact to place the highest, most stringent, most grueling and "rewarding" of expectations on our choir members, musicians, actors, and ESPECIALLY - ooh, Grammy and Gramps can't wait for this part - our children. This year's Christmas program will be better than last year's . . . or else.
Let's get together and stand in our too-tight shoes, hour after hour, rehearsing on weekends and weeknights, singing our hearts out to Jesus, while all the moms meanwhile try to remember if they forgot to buy a present for cousin what's-his-name whose likes and dislikes have changed forty times since last year. Let's insist on perfection from our children and call it "musical training." Oh, yeah, that sounds like perpetual fun. I vote we do that again next year!
Can you hear my sarcasm, y'all? Thought I'd better check to make sure the Aspies don't take me literally.
So! Solutions for the Grinch in all of us may include:
1) Thanking the Lord that December is only 1/12 of the full year.
2) Making sure our shoes fit right.
3) Cutting back on those social obligations. I really hate to disappoint my friends, but I'll hate it worse if I turn into a grump-a-lump for my family after one party too many. And in December, what with all that NOISE, one party is definitely too many for me. Come spend time with me one-on-one if you miss me, folks. :)
4) Participating in programs? Yeah, it's fun, but I've been there, and I've done that, and I'm done. Lord willing, I'll never sing in a Christmas choir again. Bad things happen. Things like car accidents the night of the second Christmas banquet because I was too tired to pay attention . . . and trips to the hospital in January because I overdid it performing in two plays and a piano recital during the Christmas season. I'd prefer to learn from my mistakes.
5) Realizing that people probably won't hate you if you don't give them a present or three or seven. If they stop being your friend after you accidentally/on purpose forgot their Christmas present, hey, who wants friends like that, anyway? Give them just-because-you-love-them gifts throughout the year, and see if that doesn't touch their hearts more!
6)Remembering that what Jesus taught about the Sabbath could very well apply to the holiday season as well. People were not made for the sake of Christmas, but Christmas was made for the sake of people. It's the time when we are supposed to be celebrating God's love for us, like the Whos down in Whoville, who liked Christmas a lot. It's good to like Christmas if Christmas truly brings you closer to Jesus and closer to the people Jesus came for.
"AND [JESUS] SAID UNTO THEM, THE SABBATH WAS MADE FOR MAN, AND NOT MAN FOR THE SABBATH."
"FOR THUS SAITH THE LORD GOD, THE HOLY ONE ISRAEL; IN RETURNING AND REST SHALL YE BE SAVED; IN QUIETNESS AND IN CONFIDENCE SHALL BE YOUR STRENGTH: AND YE WOULD NOT."
"EVERY MAN ACCORDING AS HE PURPOSETH IN HIS HEART, SO LET HIM GIVE; NOT GRUDGINGLY, OR OF NECESSITY: FOR GOD LOVETH A CHEERFUL GIVER."
