How Do I Feel?

The other day, I was sorting through the school papers my mom had saved from my elementary school days. Knowing what I now know about Asperger's syndrome, I was amazed to see how plainly Aspie traits showed through in the journal entries I wrote when I was just 6 years old. If you'd like to look over my shoulder at the essays I wrote in answer to my writing assignments, you'll see that I was slowly learning how to describe my own feelings in various situations.

• March 1990
  I remember when I couldn't tie a bow. I could tie a knot, but I couldn't tie a bow. I learned When I was 3, but I forgot. Then I learned again, when I was 5 or 6. My mother taught me. She punched holes in cards and put yarn through. Then She tied it in a bow and showed that way. Then I did it. I don't remember how I felt when I leared to tie a bow. To me sometimes learning is exciting and sometimes it isn't.
• April 1990
  One time I shared something with my grandfather. I don't know what is was, but can explain it. It was something like a candybar with icecream inside. My grandmother cut it and we each had half. I'm not sure but I think my grandfather and I were happy. Peaple have shared jumpropes with me lots of times. I hope you've shared something with someone. Did you? Good!
• May 1990
  The parts I liked about the Walkathon were the water fight, the ice cubes, and the wet wash cloths. What I didn't like about it was it was a long way and my feet were hot and tired. When I got to the end, I was inbetween happy and exited and exuasted. How did you feel? What did you like and not like?
• June 1990I've won games before. I've won Dutch Blitz before. I'm happy when I win! Before we play I feel a little nervous. I like winning! Do you? I do!

The above entries were written in response to prompts in my spelling book, and apparently the question, "How did you feel?" was repeated in these prompts. Please notice that I had to practice answering this question before I realized that "how I felt" might be something worth paying attention to.

I still struggle with remembering that other people don't automatically know how I feel, even after I explain the events that make me feel the way I do. And I'm still not sure why it's supposed to "help" if I tell people how I feel. What does that DO exactly? I wonder . . .

"TO APPOINT UNTO THEM THAT MOURN IN ZION, TO GIVE UNTO THEM BEAUTY FOR ASHES, THE OIL OF JOY FOR MOURNING, THE GARMENT OF PRAISE FOR THE SPIRIT OF HEAVINESS; THAT THEY MIGHT BE CALLED TREES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, THE PLANTING OF THE LORD, THAT HE MIGHT BE GLORIFIED."