I Have Confidence

I Have Confidence sung by Rose Enterline Williams

In the song Maria sings from The Sound of Music, the whole point is that Maria did NOT have confidence in herself and was determined to fake it. So if you have been faking social skills, confidence, and small talk, I don't believe that is bad at all, but a purposeful way to get through life! 

When I was 13 years old, I was homeschooled. Not only that, but I was an only child. Not only that, but I had Asperger's syndrome - and no one knew it. Not only that, but I lived in Japan with very few local friends who could speak English well. So I was socially disadvantaged. 

I remember when I realized that my dad and mom wanted me to go for a day to the Christian English-only school in Tokyo and join the 8th-graders there - just for one day. I was adamantly opposed to the idea. 

To give my dad credit, he sat me down privately, listened to my fears, and explained in detail why he and my mom thought it would be a good experience for me. He didn't convince me that it would be a good experience, but at least, I agreed to try. Knowing me, I would have agreed to try, no matter what my true feelings were about it, because I trusted my dad on everything.

I didn't have a great day at the school in Tokyo. But I didn't have a frightening day either. I was completely at a loss for what to say to these students and teachers I had just met. And they played kickball for P.E. which was my least favorite game ever, but I had played it often enough in my past to know what to do - or TRY to do, anyway. So I survived. Ironically, my favorite class all day was the last class - Japanese for English speakers. I had an advantage there, since I lived in the Japanese world, not in a bubble of English speakers within Japan.

The interesting thing, looking back, was not what happened to me that day as an 8th-grade visitor among students I never spoke to, before or since. No, the interesting thing was how that experience boosted my confidence to the point where I could face another challenge with what might be called SKILL a few months later.

We flew back to Pennsylvania, and my parents thought it would be good for me to attend the same Christian school where I had spent four happy years as an elementary school student - only now I was in with the high-schoolers. I had been using the same curriculum as a homeschooler, so I found it mainly pretty easy to learn from the teachers there. 

The best thing about it was that I was not nervous. I was familiar with the buildings and the faces, as well, though everyone had been growing bigger for the past four years, since I had attended as a 5th-grader. I decided to challenge myself to speak to each one of the girls in my class, whether or not they had been my close friends in the past.

For one girl, I asked about her new contact lenses, since I knew she used to wear glasses. For another girl, I asked about her younger sister. Yet another was questioned about her horseback riding, and I complimented another on her hair, saying that it was one style I had not been able to pull off myself. With one of my closest friends from before, I discussed our involvement in drama club, and she told me more about other plays she had performed in since I had gone.

This was the kind of small talk I knew was important, and what I had sometimes yearned to be able to do in Japanese. Here I had a unique opportunity to try to fit in as a visitor, and yet feel like I belonged. For once in my life, I had confidence.

"SHE OPENETH HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM; AND IN HER TONGUE IS THE LAW OF KINDNESS."

Sample Prayers and God's Answers

A few weeks ago I went to a revival service at my mom's church. The sermon blessed my heart from two aspects. One was having faith to pray for needs to be met. The other aspect was responding to the Holy Spirit when you may be the one to answer the prayers of someone else.

I'm thankful for a variety of answered prayers recently. One evening, I took my daughter to a Fall Festival hosted by a local church. I prayed for safety in driving (as my dad taught me to do every time I leave home), and I prayed for my daughter to not get upset during the games. I thought that particular prayer was needed, because she had gone to an activity a few weeks ago that involved a lot of different games and kids milling around, and she got upset and nervous and hesitant to participate. (She is only four and a half, so it's understandable.) The previous activity was held inside a small children's library, so it was quite crowded. I didn't feel all that comfortable in the crowd myself! 

So imagine my relief when we got to the Fall Festival, and the games were spread out across the lawn with plenty of space! We also got there a little early and she was able to try some easy games before the crowd arrived, since the church folks were already manning the booths. She stayed happy and active throughout our time there, and it blessed my heart to see her smile.

So remember I prayed for safety in driving? Well, we recently acquired a new-to-us car, and my husband told me it did not have automatic lights. So that evening, as we were leaving Fall Festival, I turned on the lights. Then a parking attendant for the event, one of the church folks, waved his baton for me to stop. He came around to my window and said, "Your headlights aren't on - only your parking lights." So I hadn't realized which symbol meant what on the knob for lights, and assumed my headlights were on, since my dash was lit up. We experienced God's protection, for sure, because I had not driven the car after dark until that night.

Ready for one more? Recently I decided it was time to switch my son's carseat to forward-facing, since he was outgrowing the rear-facing position. I tried several times to pull the lever that would loosen the strap, but it wouldn't budge. I decided to pray aloud about the problem. After struggling a little more, it occurred to me to lower the seat back, and then the latch was able to be unhooked, finally. 

It's great to know God is walking alongside of me, listening and guiding and protecting, each step of the way.

"THE LORD IS MY ROCK, AND MY FORTRESS, AND MY DELIVERER; MY GOD, MY STRENGTH, IN WHOM I WILL TRUST; MY BUCKLER, AND THE HORN OF MY SALVATION, AND MY HIGH TOWER. I WILL CALL UPON THE LORD, WHO IS WORTHY TO BE PRAISED: SO SHALL I BE SAVED FROM MINE ENEMIES."