In the song Maria sings from The Sound of Music, the whole point is that Maria did NOT have confidence in herself and was determined to fake it. So if you have been faking social skills, confidence, and small talk, I don't believe that is bad at all, but a purposeful way to get through life!
I remember when I realized that my dad and mom wanted me to go for a day to the Christian English-only school in Tokyo and join the 8th-graders there - just for one day. I was adamantly opposed to the idea.
To give my dad credit, he sat me down privately, listened to my fears, and explained in detail why he and my mom thought it would be a good experience for me. He didn't convince me that it would be a good experience, but at least, I agreed to try. Knowing me, I would have agreed to try, no matter what my true feelings were about it, because I trusted my dad on everything.
I didn't have a great day at the school in Tokyo. But I didn't have a frightening day either. I was completely at a loss for what to say to these students and teachers I had just met. And they played kickball for P.E. which was my least favorite game ever, but I had played it often enough in my past to know what to do - or TRY to do, anyway. So I survived. Ironically, my favorite class all day was the last class - Japanese for English speakers. I had an advantage there, since I lived in the Japanese world, not in a bubble of English speakers within Japan.
The interesting thing, looking back, was not what happened to me that day as an 8th-grade visitor among students I never spoke to, before or since. No, the interesting thing was how that experience boosted my confidence to the point where I could face another challenge with what might be called SKILL a few months later.
I didn't have a great day at the school in Tokyo. But I didn't have a frightening day either. I was completely at a loss for what to say to these students and teachers I had just met. And they played kickball for P.E. which was my least favorite game ever, but I had played it often enough in my past to know what to do - or TRY to do, anyway. So I survived. Ironically, my favorite class all day was the last class - Japanese for English speakers. I had an advantage there, since I lived in the Japanese world, not in a bubble of English speakers within Japan.
The interesting thing, looking back, was not what happened to me that day as an 8th-grade visitor among students I never spoke to, before or since. No, the interesting thing was how that experience boosted my confidence to the point where I could face another challenge with what might be called SKILL a few months later.
We flew back to Pennsylvania, and my parents thought it would be good for me to attend the same Christian school where I had spent four happy years as an elementary school student - only now I was in with the high-schoolers. I had been using the same curriculum as a homeschooler, so I found it mainly pretty easy to learn from the teachers there.
The best thing about it was that I was not nervous. I was familiar with the buildings and the faces, as well, though everyone had been growing bigger for the past four years, since I had attended as a 5th-grader. I decided to challenge myself to speak to each one of the girls in my class, whether or not they had been my close friends in the past.
For one girl, I asked about her new contact lenses, since I knew she used to wear glasses. For another girl, I asked about her younger sister. Yet another was questioned about her horseback riding, and I complimented another on her hair, saying that it was one style I had not been able to pull off myself. With one of my closest friends from before, I discussed our involvement in drama club, and she told me more about other plays she had performed in since I had gone.
This was the kind of small talk I knew was important, and what I had sometimes yearned to be able to do in Japanese. Here I had a unique opportunity to try to fit in as a visitor, and yet feel like I belonged. For once in my life, I had confidence.
"SHE OPENETH HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM; AND IN HER TONGUE IS THE LAW OF KINDNESS."